Can you help this journalist help others? …

Our facebook page got this enquiry end of 2014, and there’s a few of us who’ve put ourselves forward !
… why not just speak with her to understand 1. Whether you can help  and 2. Whether you’d be comfortable with it all.


Anyway, here’s what she said …

” I’m a freelance journalist writing an article on PTSD after birth, something I don’t believe is written about enough.
I’ve spoken with the RCM and Shiela Kitzinger, I’m now looking to talk to mums willing to share their own stories to highlight PTSD and, hopefully, help new mums who may have been misdiagnosed with PND, may be struggling to really understand what they’re going through or suffering in silence.

My email is and my number is 07967 665 685

I hope you can find the strength to speak with her.  From experience, it has helped my wife and I by speaking out.  ‘something’ good from the gloomy PTSD that has hit you may be!

PTSD always on my shoulder…

Today is a real challenge for me.

I am in hospital again for some spinal surgery. Something that’s completely unrelated to my birth trauma but I am terrified.

PTSD recurring symptoms…

I didn’t sleep last night and feel anxious, nervous, sick and more than anything scared. Will I die? Will I bleed out again? Will I wake up in ITU again?

Deep down in my logical mind I know that none of these things will happen. This is routine, planned surgery for a back issue. But I can’t shake that nagging doubt.

The hospital have been fab. They have acknowledged all of my past history and shown real care and empathy. They have suggested and I have agreed to have a pre med before going down to theatre to calm me. They have have also agreed for my lovely husband to accompany me down.

Wish me luck……!





Fighting the anxiety of my birth trauma PTSD

I have had a really rough few weeks. The panic and anxiety that has brimmed under the surface all year came to a head and resulted in a panic attack whilst getting ready for work three weeks ago. Sine then I have felt almost paralysed in a state of fear and anxiety. Some days I haven’t even had the energy or strength to get dressed. I am trying to take ‘action’ though. I’ve gone to my drs and gone

 back on medication and after an evening of feeling increasingly anxious I have just completed some EFT (emotional freedom technique) following one of Brad Yates, a reputable EFT practitioner, videos on You Tube. I did one for anxiety and had an almost ‘light bulb’ moment. It made me realise that for pretty much the 9 months of my pregnancy I lived in a ‘fearful’ state. My placenta previa diagnosis which got progressively worse made me worry terribly. I had insomnia spending many a sleepless night downstairs on my own in the early hours crying and worrying about my unborn child and my own mortality. Then her birth was the most frightened I have ever been in my life. I thought I had lost her and then underwent another spell in intensive care, a hysterectomy abd huge blood loss. So no wonder I feel like this right now. Its only been two years and I haven’t yet processed all that residual emotion and fear that I have carried with me for so long. So, I will keep on with my EFT and the belief that this will get better.

Emotional Freedom Technique to help PTSD

Earlier this summer I met a wonderful lady called Sue.

Our meeting was not the best. I had been sent to the local mental health hospital for an appt with a Dr to discuss how to look at ongoing treatment for my PTSD as the local perinatal unit I had been under could not sustain this. Mine has been categorized as acute and long term.

The meeting started badly, the Dr turned up late and didn’t have my notes. When she asked me to explain my background and reason for being there I’ll be honest I lost the plot!

It felt like this year had been a constant battle being passed from pillar to post in looking for help/care in treating my PTSD. My G.P had told me to go back to the perinatal unit, they then told me as my baby was now 1 they could no-longe r help me and that I needed to be seen by my loocal mental health team. So I ended up at an appt where the Dr hadn’t even taken the courtesy to read my notes…..and turned up late

I need to give this background for you to further understand what a life line Sue literally was. I ended up having a full blown panic attack in the surgery and Sue came in to help. She was the Drs secretary.

She held my hand, listened to me, didn’t judge and justified my feelings. WOW. It was like a revelation. No-one was telling me ‘but your alive…..but you have two children…..but its been over a year…..pull yourself together’.

She explained that she had worked in the army and the police, that she herself had shared some of my experiences and the way that I was reacting was completely normal and to be expected.

She listened. She understood. She helped me more in those 30 minutes or so than any Dr had in the previous 12 months.

She explained that she worked outside of her role as a therapist and had used ’emotional freedom technique’  to great success to help her and others.

She took our address and sent us an amazing CD which showed how ‘EFT’ had been used on a variety of war veterans from all different backgrounds(Iraq war, vietnam etc). She explained that my PTSD symptoms were no different to there’s and watching the CD showed this to be true. This helped a great deal in rationalising how I felt and why. They too had flashbacks, acute anxiety, startled response reflex, nightmares etc.

She also suggested I look on You Tube and start practising the technique using ‘Brad Yates’ videos.  The videos are simple to follow, often taking no more than 10 minutes and have helped. There are a range of subjects you can pick from whether its to help with anxiety or confidence, motivation, weight loss, insomnia etc.

What resonates the most were Sues words, that this isn’t a ‘hippy dippy’ solution. The technique is fact based and has a proven track record of working.

Try it and let me know what you think…..and thankyou to Sue…..she has and is still really helping me. x




Why is the aftermath of my traumatic birth so hard?


I haven’t posted for a few weeks as truthfully I have just felt so low. Like all the energy has been literally zapped out of me!

2 weeks ago today was my beautiful daughters 2nd birthday which also represented an anniversary for me. 2 years since losing my womb, 2 years since nearly bleeding to death, 2 years since I thought I’d lost her. I hate the fact that it still hurts. Alot.  I hate the fact that only my husband seems to get why. I hate the fact that my own Mum had a go at me for feeling like this and told me I should enjoy the day and not make it all about me. That cut me to the core, it really did.

Does my Mum not think that I want her day to be a happy one. That I don’t want to have to remember all that I do? That I don’t want to feel like this forever. Like I’m just existing not living. Like I’m stuck in a nightmare of awful images, recollections from theatre and ITU. Having that constant sense of foreboding hanging around me like a bad smell? Feeling anxious pretty much all of the time.

I saw a baby in the reception area of the Doctors today and melted into tears. Tears for the baby she’ll never be again, tears for the baby I will never carry again, tears for the terrible images still ingrained in my mind of her arrival.

I hate this, I hate feeling like this and I hate feeling so judged for the way I feel. My Mum judges me, the NHS judges me, friends judge me, work colleagues. One last week asked how I was and when I told her it had been a bad year when everything had hit me she replied ‘why, still?’. I felt like screaming at her but instead I sat there and tried to justify myself again, for the millionth time since it all happened.

Everyone tells me how I should be feeling, how lucky I should feel, how grateful I should be for my babies, how lucky I am to have one of each. I know all of these things. I just wish that some would just listen to me like my husband does and allow me to feel what I feel. Allow me to acknowledge the pain and grief and then I know I can move on and learn from all of this.





Why do my own family fail to understand my PTSD and how it affects my life?

I’m sitting here breaking my heart again….Why? Because my family who I thought I could always rely on have completely ostracised me when I have needed them the most. Tonight I had to contend with hurtful and nasty comments on facebook from my sisters husband for all to see. Comments about me being so wrapped up in myself. I try so hard every single day. Just getting out of bed and to work is an achievement. Right now I just feel like giving up. Why is it so hard for people to understand.

Emotional Freedom Technique…its helping my PTSD

ok, yesterday was really really bad. BUT at a Drs appt some weeks ago I met an amazing lady called Sue(who was actually the Drs secretary). She has since introduced me to an amazing technique called EMOTIONAL FREEDOM TECHNIQUE (EFT). In a nutshell its really simple and involves you tapping on the main meridian points of your body whilst talking through any issues…anxiety/fear/self doubt. You incorporate the manta ‘I choose to love and accept myself’. Sue is not a ‘hippy dippy person…her words. She is a person who has served in the armed forces, worked for the met police and as a financial advisor. She is very much facts and evidence based. She has shown me this technique and given me and my husband time and understanding. EFT has been used on soldiers in america with PTSD and shown to have amazing results, way better than any drugs. Sue pointed me in the direction of You Tube and a gentleman called Brad Yates who specialises in EFT and literally has hundreds of videos you can follow. I have just followed one about fear and letting go of hurt. I feel better…calmer. Its helping. Maybe you should try it? Let me know what you think

Looking for spiritual guidance for my PTSD….and failing

I went to see a clairvoyant on Friday night with my friend…another attempt to desperately seek an answer to when I will start to feel normal/happy again. It completely backfired on me…word to the wise never try and seek help in something like this when you already suffer from extreme anxiety and paranoia! She was extremely blunt and roude and basically told me that I should not feel sad about my births…that basically I should be grateful that I didn’t give birth in the war! Belittled me comes close…another person making me feel guilty for the way I feel. She then went on to tell me that I should leave my husband and that we will be divorced! The same man who hasn’t left my side once when I have needed his support, love and understanding so desperately. The man whose put up with my mood swings, temper, inconsoleable tears and complete irrationality. So, all weekend I’ve spent feeling utterly panic stricken and upset. All because I was desperately seeking an answer..again.

Memories of my babies

In an effort to move forward I have been selling lots of my childrens baby items on Ebay. I felt like I needed to do a practical ‘clear out’ as well as mental. How wrong could I be? I have just gone to wrap up what was a baby vanity case from mamas and papas which I used for both my son and daughter. It has a detachable top and tail bowl and as I have just gone to wrap it up I got the smell of new born baby….talc and cream…I have just sat and broken my heart. I can’t post it, I can’t let go of it. I feel heart broken.

Will my PTSD nightmare ever end?

Today was really hard. I met an independent psychiatrist at the local ‘mental hospital’ who had to assess me with regards to my car crash claim. You see my crash exacerbated my PTSD symptoms so my case has become more complicated. I was doing well this time last year…managing my anxiety, lessening of nightmares, limited startled reflex response and do you know what feeling better! Then a boy racer decided to drive his car head on into me and my babies and my niece. I thought he’d killed them all. My car was written off, his was so bad even the police couldn’t say what it was. It tipped everything on its head for me. The flash backs came back, I jumped at everything, I had major panic attacks for the first time in my life…so bad my hands would go into spasm. I couldn’t sleep, I felt angry all the time and if I wasn’t angry I was crying. I even wet the bed after one particularly bad nightmare.
Today, I had to go through all of that again and my god it was hard. I felt drained, upset and really really sad. My own family don’t even understand how bad this has been and still is. When will it get better??