I had been with my wonderful partner for two years when we decided to try for our baby girl and initially we were both excited. I was slightly worried as I was nearly 40 and just didn’t know if and when it would happen, however after just 5 months of trying I fell pregnant in March 2010.
I found out I was pregnant in March 2010 after failing a fitness test in work. Its called the ‘’BLEEP TEST’, not nice but a must do if you want to keep your job. Anyway you have to reach 5.5 and I did it but fell back on the last two laps and was failed. I didn’t understand and mortified I was sent back to work, tail between my legs. That day a friend suggested I might be pregnant. Over to Wilkinson’s I went and purchased a test. That evening I did the test and it was positive. I was over the moon, nervous, excited, a whole host of emotions. I phoned my partner and told him, neither of us could believe it .That night we just held each others hands and smiled, smiled smiled…
I was ‘booked’ in by my midwife at 10 weeks after ringing them to push them to do it as I was due to go to Menorca on holiday. The midwife came to my home and it seemed doomed from the start . She immediately told me as I was 40 and my BMI was over a certain level that I would be under ‘CONSULTANT’ care. I was immediately put out and anxious and we were only ten weeks in I tried to forget about her attitude and looked forward to my first scan.
So excited all good with the baby no problems to report
FIRST BLEED 13 weeks
I was one week from going on holiday and I awoke in the night bleeding. I panicked and rang the midwife ‘on call’, she asked me a number of questions about the blood flow and told me to ring back early in the morning to arrange to go to the early baby unit at the local hospital. Needless to say I didn’t sleep much that night and the following morning went to the hospital where I had a scan. By this time the bleeding was light and they advised me all was ok and was told I could go abroad on holiday.
SECOND SCAN 20 WEEKS
We had decided not to find out if it was a girl or boy and the scan went well well .
I went to my local clinic for a check up which seemed silly as I was under consultant care but it was part of my care.
It was a Saturday morning and the midwife listened to the babies heartbeat. Initially she thought the baby had hiccups but when they continued she became concerned and made a phone call to the local hospital. I was immediately sent up to the hospital so they could place me on a monitor. I was by this time beside myself. On getting to the hospital I was in tears confused as to what was wrong with the heartbeat as it sounded like it was missing a beat.
They put me on a monitor and the consultant on call came to see me and said that they believed that the baby had an eptopic heartbeat. I was told that I would have to have a further scan. Due to it being the weekend I would have to wait till the week as no staff were available to scan me. I was sent home in tears and anxious beyond belief.
I had the third scan and the girls in the scanning department were wonderful. They said it was an eptopic heartbeat but the heart was strong and all chambers were intact and it was likely the baby would be born either with it and grow out of it or it may disappear in the pregnancy. Again I was confused , they even said it may be down to eating to much ice-cream!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.
I laughed nervously as I had been eating a lot of ice cream and not much else as I had morning sickness all through the pregnancy or 24/7 sickness as that is what it was.
It was at this point I found out the worst news one of the scanners said ‘go over that again’ and it was then they found out that I had PLACENTA PREVIA. I was again beside myself, did the usual went home and went on google. This put the fear of god into me and I became unbearable to live with but live with it I had to and I did.
After this we were scanned every four weeks and the PLACENTA didn’t move. It was lying anterior, which in laymen’s terms was not completely covering the cervix but they would have to cut through it to deliver.
My consultant was good but straight to the point and stated that they would wait till about 37 weeks to decide if a c section would be planned. She was hoping that it would move but alas it didn’t and the baby was due on 8th December and the c section was planned for the 30/11/10.
THE DAY BEFORE D DAY
I went to the hospital to have my bloods checked. It was then it was explained why. It then dawned on me the reality of what the following day held and I honestly believed something was going to go wrong. I didn’t sleep that night.
I got up about 6am as I had to be in the hospital by 8 for my c section. It was planned early that morning. The usual happened. I arrived on time only to sit about nervously for an hour. I was then taken down to prep for theatre whereby the anaesthetist came to see me to explain the spinal block and epidural. Also to explain about a system where if you lose blood it can go through some sort of cleaning system and they can pump it back into you. I remember my body shaking I felt sick, dizzy and tearful. I honestly thought this is it.
I stripped off and put on the paper gown they explained I would have to go first and then my partner could join me in theatre once all the meds had been put in me.
I was walked into theatre and told to sit like a’rabbit’. A rabbit I thought. Anyway the anaesthetist explained that the spinal block would only work for about 3 hours and she was going to put in an epidural as well in case the operation went on longer. The epidural was a no go. She tried all ways to put it in me but I was in pain and this was aborted.
I then heard her on the phone calling for the surgeons to be brought up and to hurry up as they only had a 3 hour window to operate. At this time I saw all the blood bags on the floor of the theatre. It all seems surreal now so you can imagine how I felt.
My partner was then allowed in and the surgeons were also in theatre by now. There seemed a lot of people around me. the operation commenced and eventually I heard a cry and my little girl was born I felt weak but elated it was at this point I felt as if I wanted to go to sleep and I became panicky and they started pumping something into me and the anaesthetist became anxious.
I could hear it in her voice. My little girl was given to my partner, I couldn’t see her even though I tried and not long after both were sent out of the room. I remember asking the anaesthetist over and over am I ok? Am I ok, am I going to die?.
After what seemed an age it was over and I was wheeled into recovery to see my partner and baby girl waiting for me. My body was in shock and I was put on a drip and was shaking uncontrollably. This lasted for what seemed an age and then I seemed to calm down. I was then later in the day taken back to the ward to recover and look after my baby, how do you do that with a catheter and a drain and a c section scar??
The first few days and weeks are now a blur I remember very little only that I had lost a lot of blood about 5 and a half pints and no transfusion as my blood level was high and I was lucky it recovered well after the operation. So they monitored it for 24 hours but just administered iron tablets instead.
I came home after 5 days and settled at home. I bled as you do for about 5 weeks then it stopped and I felt relieved. During this time I visited the doctor as I was having nightmares about the birth and I was administered diazepan to calm me.
I didn’t enjoy Christmas , I was nervous and anxious, finding it hard to bond with my baby girl. On boxing day I started to bleed again off and on and then a few weeks later I was on my own in the house. My partner had gone to work and I had put the baby on her play mat. I felt pains in my stomach similar to period pains but a lot worse and I passed a clot big enough for me to be bent over in agony. To cut a long story short I went to A and E with my partner and they weren’t sure if it was leftover placenta or a heavy period again I was sent for a scan and the all clear was given.
It was now the end of January beginning of February 2011 and again I was bleeding. I didn’t know why and became anxious and beside myself asking my partner over and over ‘am I going to bleed to death? Stupid but true. I insisted he take me to A and E. I was hysterical crying and he took me to the hospital.
I was seen on the gynaecology ward and it was thought it was a mixture of me being back on the pill and period causing the continuous bleeding. I didn’t believe them and totally irrational thoughts clouded my mind I was thinking this was it. I was definitely bleeding to death . At this point I didn’t care about anything not the baby not my partner no one. I was crying . I couldn’t stop to be honest and they didn’t know what to do with me. There was a brilliant doctor there and I disclosed to her I had thoughts of just driving off in my car. I couldn’t cope with the blood any more.
It was at this point ‘WONDER WOMAN’ came to my rescue. One of the perinatal nurses called GAIL. I don’t think she will mind her name being mentioned. What a wonderful woman she is. She came and asked me ‘what can we do for you?’ They all got their heads together and decided to admit me onto the ward as this was the only place I felt safe. So that’s what happened and they monitored my bleeding.The bleeding had been caused by the pill and the aftermath of the pregnancy.
I was referred to a PND and PTSD group with PRAMS and this has been my saviour sharing everything with people who understand. Now I have bonded with my little girl and am enjoying life. Yes I do get bad days but mostly good now. I know I am lucky and everyday thankful for her. She is beautiful. My partner he is the best, I love them both with all my heart.
Never give up, and if you need any inspiration the two people who have set this website up are fighters. They have been to hell and back and made it to come out the other side.
Onwards and upwards now I hope to go back to work soon. I look at life differently now, every day is a gift.